Jumper
by Lilas
Summary: Ken wondering about God and his sins (Ranken!)


Author: Lilas  
  
Title: My World  
  
Archive: Yup!  
  
Disclaimer: I neither own WK (but I own Kenken clone!) nor do I own Third Eye Blind's great song Jumper, which I use.  
  
Summary: Hard to explain… Just read it!  
  
Pairing: Ran/Ken  
  
Keywords: Ran, Ken, FLUFF, a bit of angst  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
NOW GO READ IT!  
  
***  
  
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,  
  
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,  
  
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.  
  
  
  
The boy sighed softly, his gray eyes looking at his reflection with a mix of disgust, sadness and fear. He was afraid. Of what, he wasn't quite sure himself. Maybe of falling any further down his dark oblivion; maybe of never finding his promised light; maybe of never being forgiven by God for his sins.  
  
And he wanted- no, needed- to be forgiven by God. It's what Sister had always told him. 'You'll be fine, even if everyone in the world hates you, as long as God forgives you. And God always forgives' She had told him that after he had broken one of the Church's windows, but the circumstances were so different; the crime was less heinous than the one he was attempting to achieve forgiveness for…  
  
Would he be forgiven?  
  
He wasn't sure… Does God forgive those who commit suicide? Or those who kill? Does He forgive those… like him? He hoped so, because if not, than everything he'd ever known would be a lie, an illusion; and he wasn't ready for his mirror to shatter. If all he'd ever believed in was false, then he didn't know what he'd do… Where he'd end up…  
  
  
  
The angry boy, a bit too insane,  
  
Icing over a secret pain,  
  
You know you don't belong,  
  
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,  
  
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,  
  
I know something's wrong,  
  
  
  
Why did everything have to be sugar coated? Why did he have to freeze everything? Ran had once called him a creature of the sun, a carefree bird flying towards the horizon. Of course, maybe he had still been under the effect of his orgasm, but he had sounded so sincere, so sure of himself on his analysis.  
  
But how could he know?  
  
How could he know he was so far from the truth if all he'd ever shown him was the carefree self he had been before? Maybe he should stop pretending. Maybe it was time he fess up to his friends and showed them what he felt inside, who he truly was. After all, they deserved it, didn't they?  
  
They lived with him, killed with him, laughed with him… How could he hide such a thing from them? How could he-  
  
He sighed once more, his hand tracing over his reflection as a small, wistful smile formed on his face. He could, because he had to. They had the brooder, the playboy, the child… and he had to be the perky, carefree one. Someone had to be their sunshine. He had his, didn't he?  
  
Ran was his sunshine, his rope, his light, his love… Ran… But, he had placed a dark, ominous cloud above himself, a cloud so thick and dark that not even Ran's brightness got through.  
  
  
  
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,  
  
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,  
  
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,  
  
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,  
  
I would understand.  
  
  
  
The boy was so absorbed into his thoughts he didn't hear the bathroom door opening, nor did he notice the red head's presence at the door, watching him with curious, orchid eyes. Neither spoke and as the minutes lingered, the red head became more fidgety, alerted that something was wrong by the lack of response from his lover.  
  
"Ken?"  
  
The brunette turned around slowly, as if he had always know the other had been standing there, watching him, absorbing his figure.  
  
"Ran… Have you ever thought… of God?"  
  
The red head raised an eyebrow and walked to the brunette until he was standing behind him. "What aspect of God?"  
  
"Someone once told me that God forgives. Do you think He forgives killers?"  
  
"Yes. I do." The response was automatic, assured; but Ran was beginning to feel a tingle of fright take over him.  
  
"What about suicide… Do you think God forgives that?"  
  
Silence and then, "I wouldn't forgive you."  
  
"I've been thinking… strange things lately. I've been thinking to stop pretending. What do you think?"  
  
"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying Ken," Ran replied, slowly bringing his arms to tighten around the brunette.  
  
"I've been lying to you, koi. I haven't been my real self… And it's becoming so hard to pretend…"  
  
"Then stop pretending."  
  
"But if I do, you'll hate me. I won't be the same Ken you fell in love with."  
  
  
  
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,  
  
And I do not think anyone knows,  
  
What they are doing here,  
  
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,  
  
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,  
  
  
  
"I'll turn you into the man I fell in love with."  
  
The brunette smiled softly and shook his head, eyes closed, a pained expression on his face. His arms tightened on those around him and he leaned back, trying to absorb the reassurance he needed to continue with what he was saying and not back away now. This was for the best…  
  
"Iie. I don't want to be the man you fell in love with. I want to be a better man. I want to be the real Ken. But… will you still love me?"  
  
"I'll love you anyway that you are."  
  
"You'll stay?"  
  
"I'll never leave you alone."  
  
"You'll stop me from jumping? You'll pull me back in your arms?"  
  
Pale arms tightened against the bronze-colored body, Ran's face inching closer to Ken's ear. He kissed the boy's neck softly, inhaling his scent into his body.  
  
"I'll never let you go roof watching again, Kenken."  
  
A soft giggle escaped the boy's lips and he turned around to face the man he loved so much and smiled again at what the emotions looking down upon him. Love, acceptance, support, and fright. He leaned his head forward to rest it on the chest in front of him, enjoying the coziness of the Ran's horrible orange shirt… At least that thing had some kind of useful purpose.  
  
"I wasn't really talking about literate roofs, Ran…"  
  
"Doesn't matter. As long as you feel this way, I'm not leaving you in high places where you could harm yourself. And you're going to use my electric shaver. No blades for you. And if I have to, I'll confiscate your bugnuks."  
  
"Ran! No need to go that far!"  
  
"Ken… Are you being real?"  
  
"I'm trying."  
  
  
  
Everyone's got to face down the demons,  
  
Maybe today, We can put the past away,  
  
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,  
  
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,  
  
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,  
  
  
  
A slow nod and a tightening of the arms followed by his soft voice asking, "How will I know when you're not?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Will you show me through your eyes?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Will you come to me when need me?"  
  
"Will you be there when I need you?"  
  
"Of course. I'll always be there."  
  
"Then I'll trust you. I'll come to you."  
  
Ran's lips twitched into a grateful smile, his body tingling with the joy of Ken trusting him so much as to show him his true self. He gave the body in his arms a quick squeeze and captured the tanned boy's beautiful lips in his, savoring his taste, his smell. He wanted him all to himself, right then, but he couldn't. And he wouldn't until he got to know Ken all over again.  
  
"I want to share something with you, Ran," the brunette murmured with flushed cheeks.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I want to show you something."  
  
The boy grabbed his lover's hand and dragged him to his room, eyes set with determination. He made him sit on the bed and walked to the closet, reaching to the top shelf for something he had never had the heart to throw away. He pulled down the heavy, black picture book and swiped away some of the dust which had gathered on the cover.  
  
He smiled shyly and walked to the bed, sitting down next to the red head, a small blush on his cheeks.  
  
"This is my life, Ran. I think it's time I shared it with you."  
  
The red head's smile widened by ten folds and he placed one hand on top of Ken's, squeezing it, reassuring him, letting him know he could be trusted.  
  
"This means the world to me, Ken."  
  
"No. This," the brunette raised their intertwined hands, "means the world to you, to me, to us. This is what it's all about."  
  
And he opened to the first page, the first picture… to his first breath.  
  
  
  
I would understand,  
  
I would understand...  
  
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,  
  
I would understand... 


End file.
